"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
