More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
