Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
