we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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