I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
