i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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