i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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