i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
