Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
