When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
