I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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