The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
