I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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