so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
