If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
