There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im part way to drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
