We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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