Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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