we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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