I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
