remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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