I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
