Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How external is "for external use only"?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
