Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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