It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I forget how to act sober
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
