When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
