"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
