I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
