k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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