Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The power of my boobs compel you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
