sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
