don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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