Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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