Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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