my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
