The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
