At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
