If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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