we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
