dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
