I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
