i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
