Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
