Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
