So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
