We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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