This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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