he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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