haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
