I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
